I feel like many of the relationships in my life mainly live on a superficial level. I yearn to have deep conversations with others, but how do you get to that point? There are rare occasions where you are in the right time, place and have the space to delve deeper into others thoughts.
This becomes more prevalent when you have children and are limited to 20 second/5 minute conversations before you need to intervene in an activity or run after a toddler.
I stumbled upon an article by Psychology Professor Arthur Aron based on developing closer relationships where he lists 36 questions/discussion points. I have listed my favourites below.
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask them to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.