So here it is, the first 30 years of my life… through my own perception. I realised recently during a discussion that I’m holding on to my past because I am still desperately trying to search for the lessons I’m supposed to have learnt through all this. There are still a million questions floating through my mind… perhaps there always will be. But I can’t move forward if I don’t let go; If I don’t stop writing and searching… rehashing the past. So here’s to acceptance and doing my best to appreciate and be grateful for a brand new beginning in 2015.
oh and don’t ask me why the hell I’m publishing my full life story… cos even I don’t know the answer to that. Maybe a teacher is supposed to appear and help enlighten me :P
Chapters 1-3 from birth to turning 30…
- 1984 – Born at Mowbray Maternity Hospital in Cape Town.
- 1985 – Mom with severe post natal depression and leaves.
- 1988 – Mom remarries Ossi Rubin.
– Custody battle & move to Camps Bay. Attended Camps Bay Preparatory School.
– Start of physical and emotional abuse.
– Move to Clifton & Attended Camps Bay Primary School.
– Start horse riding at The Riding Centre in Hout Bay with Kim Wallace.
– Went to Disney World with Mom, Ossi and Ryan which was marred with constant fighting.
– My first dog Snowy died while we were away, I was devastated.
– Moved to Hout Bay to a smallholding called Longleat, got my first pony called Melody.
– Got a Border collie puppy for my birthday fathered by our dog Badger and I called him Shadow as he followed me everywhere.
– I am horse riding competitively doing eventing; dressage, showjumping and cross country
– Broke my foot horse-riding
– Started at Camps Bay High School.
– Nicholas born in November, complications with birth leading to emergency C-section.
– Met a groupgirls who would soon become my ‘tribe’ – Claudia, Sian, Justine, Hayley, Nikki, Gabi, Kate, Helen, Rachel and Lauren.
– Depression starting to take over my life. I am sleeping more and more just to make the days pass quicker.
– I start cutting my wrists with knives in attempts to escape my emotional pain.
– Millenium in Mauritius
– Horse riding accident on Sassy.
– Suicide attempt at home overdosing on Myprodol
– I am admitted to Kenilworth Clinic for a month in their Adolescent Unit for Depression.
– Indonesia holiday with 3 friends; Claudia, Justine and Becci.
– Ryan arrested for credit card fraud; Jail visits, lawyer meetings & court cases.
– Ryan overdoses and is taken to Groote Schuur (charcoal memory).
– Christmas with Ryan in Stepping Stones.
– Ryan involved in car accident outside Kirstenbosch Gardens.
– Ryan overdoses in bedroom and suffocates with plastic bag.
– Court order for Ryan to go to Noupoort rehab, I am asked to prevent his escape from his bedroom.
– I matriculated from Camps Bay High School
– Ossi diagnosed with a fast growing brain tumour on 10 April
– I passed my driver’s licence on the same day.
– Celebrated New Year with Nikki at Breede River Lodge.
– I’m working at Star Dot Toys in Hout Bay on weekends.
– During the week I am studying Travel and Tourism at Varsity College in the mornings, and au pairing Jessica and Kai in the afternoons.
– Ossi suddenly moved out in January.
– I start dating Liam in September.
– Moved to Candlewood Close.
– Start studying Interior Design at Boston House College.
– Fights with Mom for alcohol and cocaine abuse.
– Ossi slips into a coma and passes away on 12 June, Ryan takes his own life two weeks later on 25 June, I drop out of college.
– Mom drinking a lot with YaYa Sisters, driving drunk with Nicholas in car.
– Mom goes to Kenilworth Clinic for depression and drug abuse.
– Liam and I break up after 4 years together.
– I move to a flat in Cannon Gardens with close friend Dani in October.
– Started dating Richard in March and moved back home in April.
– Found my mom with severe paranoid delusions and out of control cocaine abuse.
– Looked after Nick while Mom in Crescent Clinic.
– Mom being physically abused by her boyfriend Brendan Tilley.
– Mom, Brendan and Nick move to a house in Claremont.
– Pre-nervous breakdown in March due to work & family stress and sought psychiatric help
– Bought my first house with Richard in May – 20 North Way in Pinelands.
– Resigned from my job at Rocketseed in August
– Went to Mauritius in September with Richard’s family and stayed at Le Victoria Hotel. It’s been some of the best few months of my life.
– Nick is removed from our mother’s care in November and moves in with Richard and I. Mom asked to sign Power of Attorney papers so I can sell her house to fund rehab and Nick’s schooling.
– Mom admitted to Harmony Clinic for long term rehab.
– Nicholas accepted into SACS Junior School Boarding House and flourishes.
– Our grandfather dies from Cancer in April. Mom relapses shortly after and has nowhere to live once kicked out of Rehab.
– Mom moves in with my father who is the only person she knows who will help, but within days she overdoses with his pain killers in late November. She is in a coma and is kept at Somerset Hospital for several weeks after awakening to regain full stability.
– Nicholas accepted into Oranjia House in January.
– Richard broke up with me in March just before our 5 year anniversary. Continued living together for 4 months.
– Started new consulting contract with CHPA in August.
– Moved in with my Dad in August once transfer went through on our home
– Moved in with an old friend Steve Cameron Dow in November
– Created Horse Sanctuary Trust in November
2015 – Unwritten
- I am going into detail as I want to write down everything, be free of all the memories and also to be able to see the reasons and effects in each experience for the anxiety, depression and control issues that are like plagues in my life. Often leaving me feeling like I take 3 steps forward 2 steps back. Usher’s song Moving Mountains plays out in my mind!!!
- Please keep in mind that the stories below are my own perception of my history. This is my reality, and there are certainly parts that may or may not be the full truth and just what I thought or assumed to be the situation.